Thoughts on Life and Stuff (TOLAS)

For those of you wondering what I've been up to in Boston...

2007-11-12T09:48:00.000-05:00

Yes, sadly, I've been moonlighting as a sheep. Even more sad is that Brad joined me when he came up to visit. I'm not sure he really got the hang of it...

The history they don't teach you at Marshall Simonds (Or, "Failures in the Public Education System")

2007-11-05T20:06:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to diss Burlington ever again. I have just found out two AMAZING facts about the only town I can really call home.

I already knew that Amy Poehler (SNL) and Jay Pandolfo (NHL) both hailed from my old stomping grounds. But I did NOT know that Steven Wright (the comedian) also grew up there. Not a bad alumni list for a smallish suburb...

However, thanks to the joys of Wikipedia, I have found out what might be the greatest useless fact I have ever heard: Burlington may have been ... the birthplace... of the high five. I kid you not. Check it out here.

The high five has been used as a celebratory gesture in sports as far back as 1974. Jack McCullough of Burlington, Massachusetts claims to have been an original inventor of the high-five during CYO basketball competition. Home movies do prove the use of the high five on his basketball team. The gesture caught on very quickly throughout the league, so much so that some consider Burlington to be an unofficial birth place of the high five (though strictly speaking this is probably not true and the town has never publicly made this claim).

Hearsay? An urban legend? The work of some BHS pranksters? Probably, but I'm pretty sure I don't care. If you think I'm not spreading this myth despite its dubious nature, you don't know me at all. How is this not in our town motto?? "The Home of the High Five" should be on every Welcome to Burlington sign and official town document. The Red Devils mascot -- OUT! A giant jumping hand (nicknamed "Fivey"?) -- IN! I may have to run for the Board of Selectmen on this platform alone.

Some other High Five resources...

April 19th, not just another day

A conflicting tale of the origin of the High Five (Lies!! All LIES!!)

US Patent 5,356,330 (Albert Cohen is a hero...)

A smattering of High Five examples, trivia, and the science behind the art

The High Five goodwill ambassador

I've never felt such a sense of hometown pride as I do right now...

It's sad when you see a headline like this and wonder, "Which one?"

2007-10-18T08:14:00.000-04:00

.

Clinton shows femininity to court older, married women

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Back from Bolivia!

2007-08-15T08:01:00.000-04:00

So I've been a bit of a bum about posting about my trip to Bolivia. I'll write some thoughts and observations soon. But to whet your palate, I've posted some pictures for your viewing pleasure.

http://picasaweb.google.com/Montinator/BoliviaAugust2007

Boliviar!

2007-08-02T20:52:00.000-04:00

Heading to the Southern hemisphere for the first time in my life, for a missions trip to Santa Cruz, Bolivia. Our team will be teaching Bible lessons to kids, working at an orphanage, and doing some construction projects. It'll be quite the busy week. You can track our progress here. I'm a pretty good mix of excited, nervous, and curious. It will be a challenge and a blessing to spend a week focusing on others rather than myself. I'll do my best to do some updates while I'm there, but I'll definitely put up stories and pictures when I'm back.

To the Bangladesh contingent of my readers...

2007-07-29T22:58:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday!
Happy Arbitrary Anniversary!
Come back soon.

Maybe he has a point...

2007-07-28T20:49:00.000-04:00

"H.I., you're young and you got your health, what you want with a job?"

Evelle from Raising Arizona.

Simpsonize Me

2007-07-25T22:26:00.000-04:00

In honor of the Simpsons movie, they (whoever "they" are) started a website where you can "Simpsonize" yourself [http://www.simpsonizeme.com/index.php]. You upload a photo, customize a few things, and whammo, they give you the Simpsons-animated version of you. It's nearly the speed of molasses and sometimes doesn't like the picture you upload, but to me it was worth the hassle and pain. This is what I came up with:

I think the 5 O'Clock shadow doesn't really suit me, but I didn't know how to capture my normal scruff. The ears are giant enough, and the eyes and glasses are about as expected, but the hairline may be a bit generous. I nailed the T-shirt though. Go Grey!

UPDATE: I gave it another crack when it wasn't acting up so much, and came up with this:

That's pretty darn me.

Wedding Exstravaganza

2007-07-11T17:50:00.001-04:00

So... Chris and Katy got married on Sunday. It was quite a celebration, and was very cool to be a part of. I got to push buttons! And I added a dance move. Though I'm pretty sure it's only appropriate for awkward solo dancing while everyone else glares. It was great to see some friends, and venture up North, and watch some belated July 4th fireworks. Congrats to newly-created Norberg Family!

The Whole Gang. Nice job wedding party! Way to make sure Chris and Katy got married!

Shhh, keep it on the Down Low, but I think Chris has a thing for Katy...

Yes Danny, I see the baby. He's right there...

See, I told you he has a thing for her!

That's a nice vista backdrop, but it'd be even better if there were a rustic barn...

Chillin' on the patio thing

Hey look, a rustic barn!! Great backdrop, and way to hold it up.

Couple, Cake, and Kids.

And the winner of coolest most popular table at the wedding: Table 18!!

Jack Smuck is a funny name

2007-07-11T17:48:00.000-04:00

Today was the 2nd anniversary of me entering the working world. Two years. I have very little idea what that means. I celebrated by breaking out the Surf Rock for the first time in a while. Yeeeah.

How I spent my summer vacation

2007-07-04T16:08:00.000-04:00

Stephen and I built a fort on Saturday. We were inspired by some off-hand comment he made, and we committed. It took up 80% of our living/dining area. It was pretty much the best thing ever. We read in it, prayed in it, ate cookie dough in it, watched Return of the King in it, watched baseball in it, slept in it, ate ice pops in it, and hung out in it. Even Stephen and Chris's parents hung out in it! Everything's better in a fort! Unfortunately, we had to tear it down. Sad times.

Joey Chestnut wins, every one else loses

2007-07-04T16:02:00.000-04:00

Happy Independence Day! Boom! Pow! Oooooh! Aaaaaaah!

Joey Chestnut brings back the title of Most Gluttonous back to the US. I really wish I could find some way to be impressed, but I can't get past visualizing how 66 hotdogs would feel in my stomach. Ugh.

A Very Scottford Wedding

2007-06-24T15:54:00.000-04:00

Just got back from Scottrick's wedding. It was very cool despite the heat. They had it outside in a public park, and invited the homeless folks that Scotty and his then-bride-to-be had been serving the last few years. And in their vows and message Scotty and Elizabeth kept coming back to the image of Christ as the bridegroom and us as His bride. Congrats guys! So excited for you.

We're putting the band back together...

Eagerly awaiting the arrival of the bride

She made it

Marriage-y things

Ok, this is from Gene's wedding in March, but too bad.

Issues

2007-06-19T09:12:00.000-04:00

My nose keeps itching, and it refuses to stop.
I can't tie my tie right today. It's either too long or too short, or the knot looks bad.
I keep tripping on nothing in the hall. Not due to new shoes; I've had them for 2 years.
I keep crashing into Will, and then having awkward conversations with him about ties and tripping on the hall.

Though annoying, if these are the only issues I have today, not so bad.

High School Music

2007-06-12T19:22:00.000-04:00

Sunshine lollipops and rainbows everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together
Brighter than a lucky penny something something something ... must rhyme with together

This song popped into my head today. For whatever reason, some of us sang it regularly in high school. I forget why, but I certainly remember how. We never really figured out the end part, so we probably just hummed it. I looked it up, but it's easier to remember my version. It was a huge accomplishment the day Michelle P remembered the second line started with "brighter than a lucky penny".

Weekend Update:
Congrats to Mary on her engagement (and thanks for an awesome engagement party, with horses and chickens and trampolines). Way to go Chris and Brad and me for our skills on the baseball field (and the soccer field, which was still the baseball field). I was the only one who was bad at frisbee, but it was because of the wind. I swear!

Opportunities Lost

2007-06-08T07:52:00.000-04:00

When opportunity knocks, don't worry if you have a hard time getting out of your La-Z-Boy; someone else will answer...

For the past four years, Chris and I have tirelessly talked about an invention that would catapult us to fame and fortune while changing the way the whole world works: Wireless Electricity. We spent an inordinate amount of time testing the theory that warm air emitted from our mouths at audible frequencies would somehow result in the creation of power for objects around us. As our theory continually suffered setbacks and as our focus waned, researchers from MIT were working on a more promising solution, that involved actual research, effort and experimentation. The result: WiTricity. Strangely, this innovation proves a completely different theory about fluids in the human body: the sweat on your brow is worth much more than the condensation from your mouth. Who knew? This also proves yet again that Tesla was a man ahead of his time. And that Chris and I are a wee bit behind.

On the cool side, in a few years we'll have wireless electricity!

No birds, just bees

2007-06-02T17:48:00.000-04:00

Poll: Bees are disappearing around the world due to

A: the proliferation of cell phones

Or

B: a terrorist plot by Osama Bin Laden

Those appear to be the only options. Either way, it's a metaphor for the collapse of the federal government. This is what I learned yesterday from the Washington Post.

Memorial Day

2007-05-28T22:53:00.001-04:00

One of the cooler things about the freedom we have in this country is that we can take things like Memorial Day for granted, and make it about hot dogs and barbecues and traveling and a day off work. I'm not at all saying we should take it for granted; it's just a huge blessing that we can.

But don't.

Summer!!!

2007-05-27T17:40:00.000-04:00

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone. It's the unofficial start of summer. Or so they say. I'm going to try to be a much more diligent TOLASer this summer. There will be plenty to keep track of, with holidays and weddings and a mission's trip and hopefully a boatload of giant Moxie floats. So yell at me if I'm not electronically keeping you in the loop, whoever "you" are.

Here's a picture Chris's dad took when the clan was visiting.

Things That Are Awesome

2007-04-09T16:26:00.000-04:00

Social Experiments

Joshua Bell

Strads

The Washington Post

The Washington Post Magazine asked Joshua Bell, pretty much the best violinist in the world, to perform at L'Enfant Plaza Metro Station (dressed down and with an open violin case) during rush hour, just to see what would happen. Joshua Bell says, "sounds like fun." Check it out here, and some Q&A here.

The article has some video links, and the audio of his full performance is here. There's what sounds like a kid singing along at about the 29 minute mark. Priceless

I'm not quite sure how to react. I think it's an awesome social experiment, as a "what would happen if..." scenario, as long as you're not trying to "prove" anything going in. I think concluding that "people move too fast to notice the beauty in the world" is too easy. I might have missed the Grammy-winning violinist because I was too busy noticing all the bricks in the floor line up perfectly, which is one of "life's everyday beauties" that puts an extra hop in my step. I don't think it says at all that "people don't appreciate the finer things like classical music," or, conversely, that the author was elitist in trying to impose the musical style as something for everyone. What it might say is that excellence is hard to notice if you aren't looking for it. It's a pretty good reminder that we should seek excellence for excellence's sake alone, because in the rare case that we actually attain it, it doesn't mean that anyone else will know or care.

For what it's worth, I'm nearly positive I would have at least noticed that there was Classical Radio-worthy music being played by someone on the street, and maybe would have paused to take a peek. If nothing else, I'd take the time to figure out why a lone violinist sounds like a trio (looking for the hidden speaker, etc). The skill is pretty hard to miss though, even if you are just listening in the background. I've seen Bell live, but I doubt I would have recognized him unless he started in the same dramatic fashion as he did on stage; bent down, arm cocked, bow pointed straight up. He is amazing.

Easter

2007-04-08T23:27:00.000-04:00

Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?

Happy Easter!!!

Sticking it to a much meaner Man

2007-03-27T15:54:00.000-04:00

Last spring I posted this about a guy in DC who refused to sell his house to make way for a condo complex. But this, from today's NYT, is even crazier, especially since it's in China. The article keeps talking about the force of personality of the owner but never really goes into the specifics of her successful tactics. Mostly, I'm surprised the developer doesn't just go in and knock it down and sort out the details later. Keep it up Ms. Wu. Cause a stir. Progress without accountability to those you are displacing is just plain wrong. We have trouble with that even here in the US (see the ridiculous ruling in Kelo v. City of New London {and wimpy version}).

That time of year...

2007-03-25T21:38:00.000-04:00

The perfect way to kick off baseball season:

The Wabash Mashers of 1864

This is some of the worst apple hurling and stick mashing I've seen!

HAAHAAHAAAA, He's dead! HAAAHAAAHAAA

"The Unnatural"

2007-03-20T13:06:00.000-04:00

This is so cool. And yes, I still have secret dreams about such things. The being invited to spring training part, not the sausage part.

Less Filling, Tastes Gross

2007-03-20T08:32:00.000-04:00

I'm not a big fan of aftertaste. Some foods have it, many beers have it, and even particularly strong household cleaners can leave you with a bitter flavor in your mouth. (Yes, when you clean with them. I don't drink household cleaners.) One place I would NOT expect a gross aftertaste is toothpaste. Crest Pro Health, you have major issues, you disgusting minty-carp flavored goop! Blech...

The Ides are coming! Look Out!

2007-03-15T11:52:00.000-04:00

Beware the Ides of March...

Remus Stefan: Subtle yet endearing

2007-03-14T21:34:00.000-04:00

Little-know fact: I LOVE names. I just really enjoy cool sounding, unique, and weird names. A few months ago, I started what has become a half-hearted effort to "collect" names I like. I made a spreadsheet and everything, and I have no shame about it. So when I came across this, I was elated. Make sure to check the subtitle. Stellar effort by this group of visionaries. Who says there are no heroes anymore...

And don't worry; I have no plans to cease my own collection effort. You just can't call it a definitive list if it doesn't include Kiko Calero or Odd-Even Bustnes...

Things are looking up

2007-03-10T12:31:00.000-05:00

Stumpas is showing his first new growth, since Doug and I sticked him up.

The seagulls in Quincy Park have been replaced by baseball players. No lines yet, and no fence, but the high school teams are out in spring training. I was so excited to hear the ping of a bat (metal bats don't really crack).

I'm nearly done with a book and about to start another (which I might actually start before I finish the first; I have a problem with finishing things.)

I've been mondo productive at work, and hope to be boffo productive at home too. Like a banshee even.

I got a new mouse. It double clicks only when I click it twice, which is a nice change.

I've learned some valuable lessons about bad planning and quick decisions

Adventures in Lawyering

2007-03-03T09:06:00.000-05:00

Two recent stories that make me maybe question the occupational choices of a number of friends:

Dominic DiCenso owns a pizza shop in Boston that was allegedly a front for a cocaine business (and an illegal discotheque, though that is less pertinent here). State Police performed a sting operation where they successfully bought cocaine from the shop over a number of months. After his arrest they raided his house, finding 1.5 kilos of cocaine, a wad of cash, and numerous weapons. His lawyer's response:

DiCenso's lawyer, Jerry Falbo, said his client is innocent.

"There is no evidence that the defendant participated in any of the exchanges," Falbo said. "The defendant never made an exchange or sell of any drugs to any State Police officer."

And later in the article:

Falbo said DiCenso grew up in the Boston area and had operated West End Pizza for nearly a decade.
"He has a business to run, and this business supports many employees," Falbo said.

I'm all for due process, and the presumption of innocence. And I'm well aware of the bias, intentional or not, in an article such as this, so the cut-and-paste nature of quotes from interviews needs to be taken into account. But I sincerely hope that the Mr. Falbo has a better defense for his client than "He didn't do it; he has no idea how that kilo of cocaine got in his coffee canister" and "He has a business to run; think of his employees!" and "He wouldn't have sold them coke if he knew they were state police officers! I swear!"

Meanwhile, the Woodward and Bernstein of MLB performance enhancement has found his name again associated with steroids. Jose Canseco is apparently on the customer list of a pharmaceutical company that has allegedly been selling steroids, etc. over the Internet. His lawyer quickly came to his defense:

Canseco's attorney, Robert Saunooke, told The Associated Press he would be surprised if the former slugger had been a client.
"I would find it highly unlikely," he said. "All the steroids that he got were prescribed to him or were from people in the gym. There's never been anything he's gotten online."

I'm not a law student nor the son of a law student, but as the boyfriend of a law student it seems to me that "My client never buys his steroids over the Internet; that's ridiculous!" is a defense doomed to fail. I think shouting "Banana Hammock!!" into the microphone might have actually been more helpful to Jose.

And so I say to Renée, and Suzanne, and John, and Katie, and Michelle, and Darren, and Kenny, and in the near future coworkers Josh and Chris: what is WRONG with you? THIS is your career of choice? THESE are the people you strive to be associated with?? GAHHHH!!!!!!!

The seagulls are in Quincy Park

2007-03-02T20:42:00.000-05:00

No, this isn't code for anything. As I was driving to work, I noticed that there were about a hundred seagulls in Quincy Park. Maybe that'll be beachfront property in a few years when global warming starts to kick in, and they wanted to stake their claim early.

At least they're better than pigeons... And Canadian geese...

Why I can't go to work tomorrow

2007-02-13T19:05:00.000-05:00

I actually got this from my manager. The one from whom I stole a plant. Yes he noticed, and he was glad that I was trying to save it from his destruction.

Rescue Me

2007-02-02T12:27:00.000-05:00

I just led an elaborate raid on my manager's office. After at least two minutes of extensive strategizing and planning, our three-person strike team (Linda, Doug and me) mobilized, secured the perimeter, and then proceeded with Operation PlantStorm. Using a variety of Green Beret tricks, Maktar Stealth Hazes, and good old fashion Ninja rolls, we snuck in and made off with the dying plant he had sitting on his floor. It was like one of those Animal Planet rescue raids to get out neglected animals, except instead of a boa constrictor in a fishtank we saved a sad-sack ficus. The plant had been damaged in our office move, and Tom had given up on it, but Team PlantStorm would not, and could not leave a man behind. Search and Rescue was a rousing success, but we ran into issues trying to provide emergency care once we had reached a safe location (my office). Due poor communication (owing to the fact that we didn't have walkie talkies or GPS-linked video phones), the ficus got heavily watered twice, and is currently dripping all over my desk, but little damage was done. I'm optimistic about the plant's chances, but she still has a long way to go on the road to recovery. After an ordeal like that though, she needs a name. Steve-o, Jumpy and Jonas are taken, so I'm all out. Any suggestions?

I have no idea what type of plant it actually is, but for naming purposes, assume it looks like the ficus above. Ficus is a fun word...

Also of note, as of yet Tom hasn't noticed his plant is gone. Linda went back to get her purse that she left on his table, and he was on the phone and said "Hi Linda! Hey, why is your purse in here?" She replied, "Why do you have my purse??," picked it up and walked out. Wish I had been there to see that. Way to go Team PlantStorm.

Also also of note: this is my 100th post since the rebirth of TOLAS. Yes, that includes the one on circus peanuts, so it's a bit of a farce. But a milestone it is.

Groundhog day!

2007-02-02T10:16:00.002-05:00

I won't regale you with another missive on Groundhog Day, but I'd just like to note the following:

Punxsutawney Phil Predicts an Early Spring

Yeah, except it happened in December and most of January. You're behind the times Phil, reporting yesterday's news. Note that this is only the 15th time he's not seen his shadow, and first since 1998. So that's something. Wait, no, that's really not something; it's pretty much nothing.

Lookwell

2007-01-30T18:37:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBQ3HbB0c8Y

This is the amazing pilot episode of "Lookwell," a 1991 TV show that was never picked up. It stars Adam West as an actor who thinks he can solve crimes because he used to play a TV Detective. Conan O'Brien and Robert Smigel co-wrote. Seriously, it is well worth the 23 minutes, if for nothing else than to witness Adam West's perfect deadpan. I think it is even better than Heat Vision and Jack, another show with potential that was not picked up (despite the talents of Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Ron Silver).

Strangest thing I did today

2007-01-28T20:48:00.000-05:00

I became the proud owner of a coffee table book. And I don't even have a coffee table! The book has pictures and short descriptions of European castles. In related news, I also became "The guy who buys those random bargain books at Barnes and Noble," but it was mostly because I wanted to buy something unique with the gift card I had. In unrelated news, congrats to Jim and Jenn on the birth of an amazingly cute bouncing baby boy. In fake news, I got a baby cheetah, and also a butler.

Why am I on such a castle kick? This baby would be complete if it had catapults, and beer. And a baby cheetah.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2007-01-22T19:22:00.000-05:00

This seems appropriate. Or at least on no day yet this year has it been as appropriate as it is today. Right.

S-words

2007-01-08T15:14:00.000-05:00

Sword swallowers more likely to be injured when distracted or swallowing 'unusual' swords

No surprises here. In a related study, chainsaw jugglers sometimes get cut by chainsaws. Also, what's the deal with the apple lady? Does eating apples help with the sword swallowing? Is she about to swallow a whole apple and then use a sword to make belly applesauce? Or is she just confused about what a sword actually is? Juxtaposition at its finest.

"Sabre!"
"No."
"It begins with a bloody 's'!"

2006 is G-O-N-E

2007-01-07T15:20:00.000-05:00

2006 has departed. 2007 is here. Let's do a run-down of 2006.

My job remained the same from last year, and I had no office moves. I got more responsibility, and was tasked with projects that ended up being non-starters in the June time frame. Then I punched myself for using dumb business speak. My job ebbs, it flows, but overall I really can't complain.

I started leading a small group at church, which was a change. Lots of cool people came and went this year in the group. We lost them to law school, Kenya, Afghanistan, Kosovo, Washington State, other parts of VA, other small groups, etc. Basically everywhere except Timbuktu. We studied a cool book, a bunch of movies, and the travels of Paul. We had glamour parties and random gift parties and game nights. Lots of fun all around.

I traveled a lot. For work I went to California (for the first time in 12 years), St Louis, Boston, Seattle, and Korea. Korea was amazingly cool, even though I was there for only a week. I got to hobnob and see cool neighborhoods and buy chintzy souvenirs and get gypped on the exchange rate and all sorts of other neat foreign travel fun. I also got to fly business class and hang out in the fancy airport lounges. For fun I traveled to Grand Rapids, Lancaster County (twice), Philly, Altoona area, West Virginia, the Dirty Jerz (twice), Lehigh, Boston (a few times), and North Carolina. In addition, an oodle and a half of friends graced me with there presence here in NoVa. Thanks everyone for coming down!

I got a new guitar. I also got 2 computers; a new desktop and a used laptop. I decided Ebay is a pain and a half, but I eventually ended up with a fully functional laptop from it, which I am very happy about. I played frisbee and wiffleball and kickball and football and tennis, though not as much as in the year prior. I went dancing a few times, including a Viennese Waltz, Swing, and random other Waltzes. I learned a number of locksmithing skills, including how to make key copies that just barely don't work. I started to create a genetic algorithm to run a Yahtzee simulator I'm making. I studied Urban Economics for fun. I joined a golf league at work and we came in 1st place for the second half of the season, thanks in part to my clutch putting (which is amazing, because I'm a horrible putter). I had my first fender bender, without the bent fenders.

Renée and I started dating in July, and then she promptly ran off to Europe and then law school. Apparently the prospect of actually spending time with me scared her off. Long distance is kind of hard sometimes, but we're getting better at it. Plus she's awesome, so that helps.

So that was a snapshot of my year, and there's lots I skipped. Pretty amazing if you ask me. What a blessing. Thanks to friends and family for making it so, and thanks to God for a great 2006. Here we go '07!

DC Sleeps

2006-12-14T23:29:00.000-05:00

...And thus Jeff Shaw and I are proven prescient

2006-12-07T11:19:00.000-05:00

People laugh at me when I say that onions are poison. I'm not one to say "I told you so", but take a look at this, and weep, and then take the whole roll of toilet paper with you as you live with the results of eating your precious onions...
Seriously people, they tip you off to their malfeasance with their disgusting taste, noxious odor, and disturbing texture! Why would you eat something that makes you cry every time you use it? They are like a bad boyfriend. Why do you keep them around? Kick them to the curb!

Not that I know what having a bad boyfriend is like. I've seen it on TV.

Oh yeah, I told you so!

Run of the mill

2006-12-05T18:16:00.000-05:00

I did 8 loads of laundry in 2 days. That should cover me for a bit. Remember, I have a pretty small washer, but 8 does seem like a bit much. The fungus on my pants tipped me off that maybe it was time.

I went to the barber today. It's been more than two months, and I was starting to look like a hippie, like David. But my last haircut was awful, and I just needed to find a new, real barber that wasn't a Vietnamese lady trained on the job (I think was like the 3rd customer for one lady. She really needed to work on "The Barber's Touch" as well as "The Cutting of Hair Evenly"). In my life, I've had 5 good barbers: Joe, Tony, Ron, Tony, and Joe. I looked in the phone book, but I didn't find a single Joe or Tony. The next best thing was Pete. Pete did a great job. He's fast, efficient, did what I asked for, and had "The Touch" down (not to be confused with "The Touchdown"). He left hair in my eyes for a little too long, and I could have used a spray down, but otherwise he was just what I was looking for. He cleared out my 2-month-old hack job with skill and efficiency, talked just enough, and cost only $12. Thanks Pete! Random side note: Pete's last name is Xerxes, which was my first screen name on AOL 12 years ago.

Chocolate Pop Rocks say on the back, "Store in a cool, dry place". Unfortunately, this doesn't mean if you put them in a hot dry place (say, in the flame of a lighter) that they combust in any notable fashion. They just melt. Ah well. Guess I need more ping pong balls. Thanks to Amanda for providing the Christmas presents necessary to try this.

A long day's journey into night

2006-12-02T08:57:00.000-05:00

Circus peanuts are disgusting.

Random link of the day

2006-11-28T22:32:00.000-05:00

http://roastaturkey.com/

Not sure why this causes me as much pleasure as it does, but it does. Maybe because the concept is so simple, and there seems like there should be more to it, yet there isn't. As of now, I've cooked turkeys to 11%, 158%, 66% and 86%. I only stopped the 158% one because steam/smoke was coming out. I'm not very good, but I also wasn't trying very hard. Tonight, I roast two turkeys all night. C'mon 800% cooked!

PS Rob got 93% first try. He's much better than me. He also cooked his at a reasonable temperature, unlike me.

Mmmm, delicious crayon turkey...

Update:
You can view my latest and greatest culinary creation here. Just like Julia Child would make... Man, I love Julia Child. One time she was cooking a Napoleonic Era high class French meal, and to be authentic she used a sabre to cut the fowl she cooked. So great. In a modern day twist, to be successful I need a hacksaw to cut the fowl I cooked. Or a chainsaw. Or maybe a plasma saw.

Paranormal

2006-11-22T07:21:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I got a e-mailed newsletter from 2002. To an e-mail address I didn't have in 2002. It's still 2006 right? Because if not, I am so late for my Microeconomics class...

Yesterday my spellcheck decided I was speaking in French. Therefore, words such as "some" and "something" came up as misspelled. Needless to say, I was confused. I don't even know French. And computers think they're so smart...

"The West Wing" on 007

2006-11-17T07:54:00.000-05:00

BARTLET
Can I tell you what's messed up about James Bond?

CHARLIE
Nothing.

BARTLET
Shaken not stirred will get you cold water with a dash of gin and dry vermouth. The reason you stir it with a special spoon is so not to chip the ice. James is ordering a weak martini and being snooty about it.

********************************************

BARTLET
It's Jed Bartlet, Mrs. Morello. I've got a few questions. When you taught Beowulf, did you make the kids read it in the original Middle English or did you use a translation?

MRS. MORELLO
We used a translation, Mr. President.

BARTLET
Okay. We're going to call that the James Bond version.

********************************************

Daniel Craig does NOT look like Bond. He has the look of a great rogue agent (a la Boromir in "Golden Eye"). Clive Owen would have had the look down much better. Hopefully Craig has the attitude and panache to make up for it. Not that I care that much, since I'm not really a Bond fan.

Various Stuff

2006-11-16T17:54:00.000-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/10/theater/10park.html

She wrote 365 plays in 365 days, and now they are playing across the country over the next year. One of the cooler things I've heard of in a while. Way to be creative...

Chandler is really good at pointing.

The Air Force Memorial is pretty impressive.

One time, I had nothing to do on Dec 8th. 48 hours later I had 4 independent things I should be doing. Harsh. And strange.

Random fact about me: when I play MadLibs, I almost always use the word "shellac".
Random fact about me #2: When I was 5, my mom got me a pinball machine and a pool table for Christmas. She's cool. (no, not just because she gives me stuff).

Sam, my car, is now all jazzed up, for a while I hope. It has no more vibrations on the highway, the transmission is all flushed and re-liquidated, and a busted wheel stud has been unbusted. Let's hope that's all the work he'll need for a while. Go Sam!

These are a few of my favorite words...

2006-11-08T19:01:00.000-05:00

I've done it before, but I'm doing it again.

Amalgamated
Chartreuse
Zoological
Prestidigitation
Serendipitous
Acquiesce
Effervescent
Cantor
Banshee
Dizzy
Cantankerous

More to come when I think of them...

I liked "Banshee" long before these came along, but they help.

Leftovers

2006-11-02T07:58:00.000-05:00

Two pictures from my trip to Seattle in July that I recently yoinked from Rob . SPACE. NEEDLE.

The Candy Bracket

2006-10-30T22:37:00.000-05:00

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=candy/classic/061030

I've got ButterFinger and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups going to the Final Four, but watch out for a surpise run by Mentos. Kudos for the mentions of the Full Candy Bar, the Foo Fighters, Baseball Card Bubble Gum, and Razor Blade Apples. No kudos for the failure to mention Kudos.

The Freshmaker indeeed...

First they tell me Pluto isn't a planet, and now this

2006-10-24T09:52:00.000-04:00

From the NY Times science page (I can't do a direct link, so you'll have to find it yourself). I just don't see it catching on...

Lehigh

2006-10-23T07:59:00.000-04:00

Had a great weekend back at the old Alma Mater this weekend ("On the breast of old South Mountain, reared against the sky..."). Campus looks great, friends look even better, and I got a hot new sweatshirt. The quotes below have nothing to do with the pictures to which they're attached. This is my TOLAS and I'll do it my way.

"Why is everything happening?"

"Do you lock your refrigerator?"

"Are we leaving now? Why are bags opening?

"Keep the vacuuming noise away."

"Rubies *are* red. Interesting..."

"From Hungaria... Wait, that's not a place."

"I'm going to become a monk..."

"Is that your work laptop?" "No. ::pause:: Yes."

"I don't know who I should root for"

I'm smarter than I think; that's why I should listen to myself

2006-10-16T22:04:00.000-04:00

So I bought a laptop. Then before I got it, it disappeared. I nearly bought another laptop, but I didn't (that was me listening to myself, which I'm super glad I did). Then the laptop I bought came back, kind of. Now it's on the way to me, in theory. So maybe I'll have the laptop that I may or may not have bought.

Moral of the story: eBay drives me nuts like few other things, which I knew going in (this was my first real eBay purchase). I should have listened to myself, and then been better prepared mentally for the ebbs and flows of the merciless master that is online auctions.
Other moral: Maybe I'll soon have a laptop.
Fake moral: then I found $5.

Various Musings

2006-10-13T21:51:00.000-04:00

Major accomplishment of the week: I rekeyed a lock. I'm cooking on the locksmithing work now. It was hard (I'm pretty sure it was mechanical failure rather than operator failure), but I was able to make a lock work for a different key. Pretty cool. I also made a duplicate of our apartment key, which is exciting too. It worked pretty good, then I tried to fix it and it works less good now, but it does work. I might have to find a way to add a smidgen of material...

A new person is moving in down the hall from me. The nametag on the door: David Matthews. What happens if I'm walking down the hall, minding my own business, and then WHAM! I crash into him, yeah? And then he falls, and Will Cooper and Bill Greer walk by and fall over him, he'll be tripping Billies. If he leaves crumbs from his lunch around, he might see the ants marching. He's new to the 6th floor, so he probably doesn't know that the fountain tastes all chorinate, so I'll have to tell him don't drink the water. Yes, I'm crazy, and this is going to drive me nuts, and then I will proceed to drive everyone around me nuts. Alreadym every time I walk by his office, I hum "Sat-e-llite (doo doo dooo do do)". And if he hears me each and every time, there's no way he'll want to stay for a while...

Why did the NYT bother having AO Scott review Man of the Year? I'm pretty sure I could have written the same review, and I've never even seen the movie. Scott's usual razor-sharp wit seemed dulled a bit by the obvious stupidity of the movie, although he does take the time to peg Christopher Walken quite accurately. It's like bringing in Pedro Martinez to intentionally walk a batter... Save him for a movie where there's actually something to say that we don't know already...

I'm actually not a big Dave Matthews fan, so maybe David will be cooler

PBC Update

2006-10-04T22:26:00.000-04:00

I can attest that Giant has filled the space formerly reserved for Peanut Butter Crunch with Pirates of the Carribean cereal. A sad day in the cereal world. I doubt The Cap'n has the appeal to female eaters that Captain Jack Sparrow does. Which is depressing... Sometimes I just don't get women. Or grocery store cereal stockers.

10 million strong...

2006-10-02T23:20:00.000-04:00

A long time ago I posted about how I am addicted to the faux orange chalky blandness of my Centrum Chewables vitamins. And so I was disappointed when I could no longer find them at Giant. I think Giant has it out for anything I like. Next thing you know they'll stop selling beef... Anyway, tonight while shopping at Giant I made my way down the vitamin aisle, and noticed a bottle that looked very similar to the one I have (which is nearly empty) except for one key difference: this one says "Centrum Kids" and has Sponge Bob, the Rugrats kid, and Dora the Explora on it. So I bought it. I brought it home and compared it side by side to my current bottle. The vitamin ingredients and doses were all the same. I opened the bottle. The tablets look the same, but multiple scents emerge from the bottle, and some of the tablets are pink and some are purple, and they each have an imprint of one of the characters from the label. So now I am going to be taking children's vitamins. If it takes Sponge Bob and Dorer the Explorer to get me to take my vitamins, at least I'm getting the minerals I need. And the part I'm most upset about is the fact that I doubt the pink and purple will be as ... good isn't the right word... um, as satisfactory as the orange ones.

And now you know why I don't TOLAS more often...

Don't Panic

2006-09-26T23:45:00.001-04:00

Please, don't panic. This warning doesn't concern the fact that I'm posting TWICE in one day, though that is rare. Nor does it pertain to the new look of the TOLAS. It's been a full year since I've restarted TOLASing, so I figured a freshening was overdue. I also dropped the "The Sequel", since the second incarnation has lasted 3 times longer than the original.

But try not to panic when you hear this. I was in Giant on Saturday, and I saw something that scared me. Big time. Cap'n Crunch Peanut Butter Crunch was on sale. Normally this would bring me joy (and lots of peanut buttery goodness). But above the sale price, in tiny little letters, were the two most terrible words that could be applied to PBC: "Discontinued Item". I was nearly floored. I've done some research, and have found no proof that this is a national thing, but I'm worried nonetheless. The Cap'n has been using the Good Ship Guppy to deliver this delectable cereal since 1969! And it's been among my favorites since 1990 or so. Are you saying that it's possible that Me and the Cap'n will no longer be able to make it happen each morning with mouthfulls of the crunchy peanut buttery quality only a Navy man can provide? I'm so mad that sentence barely makes sense! Stay tuned...

Back from Korea

2006-09-26T22:26:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone (which means the 3 people who still check this since I pretty much stopped posting). I used to be in Korea; now I'm in the US. Here are pictures.

Yep, that's me. In Korea. You can tell by the Hyundai Sonata behind me. This is near my hotel.

View from my room. Seoul is HUGE. Sprawl City. And it's mostly flat, but surrounded by mountains

I'm on a playground. I wanted to get on a swing, but none of the kids would push me.

One of the few traditional-looking buildings I saw. It's a pretty new and modern city, plus I skipped most of the tourist trap/historical places.

Korean Little League Baseball. They don't take down the fences in August to make way for soccer over here. And we say baseball is America's past time. And yes I'm still bitter about the park across the street.

Neat looking building in Insadong. Not really sure what it is. Insadong is a cool artsy-ish neighborhood with antiques and galleries and tons of hip locals.

I'm told it's translated as "seuh-tah-buck-seuh - kuh-pi". I'm also told it's the only one in the world with the logo not in English. Not sure I can believe either.

This was an awesome outdoor mall thing in Insadong. You just kept spiraling up as you walked. It has loads of interesting shops.

I can neither confirm nor refute the claim.

I like this picture a lot.

"Major Problems Feared At Polls on Election Day"

2006-09-16T22:34:00.000-04:00

Major Problems Feared At Polls on Election Day

We've been conducting elections in this country for more than 200 years, and now we don't know how to do it anymore? Does anyone else find that a little sad?

Who decided I'm some sort of grown-up?

2006-09-12T19:02:00.000-04:00

So in the past, I've had issues with getting dressed in the morning. In addition to my noted problems with clothing selection, I developed a habit of forgetting to wear a tie or a belt or both to work. This is a problem, because I (strangely) like wearing ties and I definitely appreciate it when my pants don't fall down. I've mostly grown out of this habit. Today, however, I left for work without shoes. This was a conscious decision, but it was very hard for me to do. I had left my black shoes in my car, and I thought if I used an alternate pair to get to my car, I'd leave them there, and then I'd need to wear another provisional pair to fetch the second pair, and then the provisional pair would be left behind, and eventually my head would explode (trust me, it would). Still, my head nearly exploded from the decision to depart shoeless. I circled around my room, searching for an alternative, delaying the inevitable. I pulled my pants up as a woman would lift her skirt as she steps up a curb or over a puddle. I stalled. With much difficulty, I made it to the elevator. There was another guy who got on, but he was too busy with his iPod to notice my resemblance to Joe Jackson. At the garage level, the cleaning lady nearly ran over me with the vacuum (she was getting on the elevator and obviously didn't expect someone to be getting off). My toes averted disaster, and I made it to my car safely. Yes, I am both a weenie and a dork of a high magnitude. But I (sort of) overcame my irrational disinclination to go to work with no shoes. That counts for something, doesn't it?

I quite obviously am stuck in the past...

Wedding Extravaganza

2006-08-28T20:24:00.000-04:00

Matt and Kat got married this weekend. Good for them! I got tons of delicious hors d'orves. Good for me. Also, I think I'm gonna make a new wedding tradition: the pre-ceremony pounding of a Vanilla Frosty. It's good luck or something. I'm sure of it.

Despite the flames, I grudingly admit that Geno's is inferior...

Straight from GQ

The GQ guys must have been busy

The lives of the party. Then we left. Then the party died without us. Pretty sad...

Not sure who these two are...

I used to TOLAS a lot

2006-07-26T21:53:00.000-04:00

Now I don't. Not really sure why. And here you are, reading this post about how I don't really post, and that's not even new information to you. Maybe I don't post because when I don't have something specific to say, I babble on about nothing.

Worst Post Ever. At least it wasn't about hot dogs. Mmmmm, Nathan's hot dogs...

What my 6-year-old self would think of me

2006-07-02T19:28:00.000-04:00

Inspired by a comment Chris made, I'd like to explore what my 6-year-old self would think of me if he could see me now.

He would be disappointed that I'm not a Marine, a garbage man, or a Transformers designer
He would not be impressed with the amount of cartoons I currently watch.
He'd be excited that Mom still buys me Legos and other toys. Me too.
He would be surprised with the number of girls I hang out with. "Don't they have cooties?" he'd ask. "No, I'm sorry Little Mike; I accidentally used my superior adult intelligence to prove that it is actually boys that have cooties, which is majorly disappointing," I would reply sadly . Who says adult intelligence is superior...
He would think it's awesome that I have a huge apartment with no breakable things so I can play ball inside. We agree on this.
He would approve of the fact that I still commonly use words like "dude" and "awesome", continuing the traditions passed down by the Ninja Turtles.
He would push for more ice cream and Hyrdox in my diet, as well as a return of the habitual bedtime snack of bread and water.
He'd be impressed that I can drive a car that isn't driven with a Nintendo controller. "How can you even reach the pedals?"
He'd be sad that my desk isn't covered in Tonka trucks, Transformers, GI Joes, or Thundercats. "Those are worth a ton on E-Bay," I'd claim as he shook his head and shed a tear. I'd never sell them, but the fact that the thought exists would burn him like acid.
He'd be sad that I no longer have a slide and jungle gym in my room. We agree on this too.
He'd be pleased that I still slouch when I sit, have awful penmenship, can't spell, and talk with my mouth full. The consumption of fruits and veggies would be a disappointment though.
He'd be so happy that I still love Moxie, and that I can make and drink a 64 oz Moxie Float.
He'd think I'm the toughest person ever because I don't cry when I scrape my knee. That would change when he realized I still cry when I get water up my nose.

After a few small corrections, I think 6-year-old Mike would generally approve of the life I live. This is likely no surprise to anyone who knows me. I'm going to assume that it's a good thing.

"You can finally vote for Optimus Prime for President!"

The Bee's Knees

2006-06-20T07:58:00.000-04:00

Add this to the list of things I never knew, but should have:

Bee cowboys drive their herds around the country, going from crop to crop, pollinating all the way. Without these bee-keeping migrants, fruit and nut farmers wouldn't have enough pollination to have their bumper crops. That's why the beeman and the farmer should be friends.

Best Farmers Ever.

Now that's a good Friday (and Saturday and Sunday)

2006-06-19T22:09:00.000-04:00

I'm really good at the first few pool shots, then I am less good from then on.

Nights on the town are great, especially when they include fancy dress and fancier dessert.

Filming a movie is really hard work.

The Chewing Gum Championships are also really hard work.

Long distance visits are nice.

Referees wear little boy shirts.

The soda and cookie aisle can be a lot more fun than you might think. Especially if you find mystery soda.

Rock Bottom is great. The setting sun is painful.

Friends are cool.

Tangoing and Foxtrotting are awesomely fun, even in the crazy heat.

Moonshine.

Fajitas spew burning hot oil that can end up searing your head if the waiters passing by aren't careful.

Watching kids take batting practice can be one of the most peaceful things around.

Wham! Bam! Pow!

2006-06-08T07:16:00.000-04:00

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum. I was trying to get to work early to set up for the forum we were having, but it didn't work out. The offramp from the highway to my office park is a little bit difficult in that it is a fast offramp with a blind curve and a yield sign at the end feeding into a two-lane road that merges into one very quickly. So yesterday, I yield at the yield sign, and see that there are 2 cars in the first lane and a steady stream in the 2nd lane. I wait for the two cars to go by and am getting ready to join traffic. I take my foot off the brake and WHAM! whack right into the guy in front of me, who decided not to move. He then decided to continue not to move. He just sits in his car, and I think shakes his fist at me. Then his head slumps a bit, and I have no idea what's going on. Meanwhile, cars have to move all around us because he refuses to pull over. And I can't pull over because I'm against his bumper. Eventually (after maybe 5 minutes) I get out of the car, and he starts talking on his cell phone, but gets out and asks "Didn't you see me stopped?" We look and see there is no damage at all to either of us (that's why our cars have bumpers) Then I say I want to pull over farther, so he gets in his car and pulls up 5 feet and sits in his car on his cell. Meanwhile, two cars come around the blind offramp and nearly smash into each other to avoid us, brakes and tires smoking. I have no idea what's going on, so I meander for another 5 minutes waiting for him to get off his cell. Finally, I call the police business number, and tell them I had a fender bender and explain where, and the operator tells me that someone is already on the way. I'm about to tell her I can't hear her because a fire truck is going by when I realize that the fire truck is for us, along with an ambulance. The fire truck pulls up behind us and blocks the offramp, and guys get out and start lighting flares. Then the ambulance guys get out and are putting on "emergency" vests. The guy I hit gets out of his car and asks if I called them, and I say no. He says he was on his phone with his sister, telling her he'd be late, which of course takes 15 minutes and makes him later. The EMTs ask if we are ok and see that we are, so they pack up and pull out just as a squad car pulls up. The police officer gets out and asks us to pull up farther (THANK YOU!) and pulls in behind us as the fire truck packs up. She then asks me what happened (because our friend is back on the cell) and asks us if we are injured (no) and if there is damage (no). She then says "Let's call it a day, gentlemen" and sends us on our way. I'm now late for the forum. Long story short, it was a pretty ridiculous situation, but pretty hilarious.

This is how they respond to a fender bender with no bent fenders

I've never been in a real car accident, but I've had a few "incidents". Like when I almost killed Liz in High School (I was following her and we both couldn't see a stoplight in the sun until pretty late, and I whacked her hard but with no damage. Sorry Liz). Or when I hit a parked car and broke my turn signal (it makes more sense how it happened. They were parked in the middle of a busy street). I also took a fun 5am spin on the highway in new jersey, though I don't think Victor (who woke up to us looking backwards down the highway), Kat and Chris appreciated it. By the grace of God, didn't hit a thing, and had nothing but burnt rubber as ill effects.

My new hero

2006-05-03T11:36:00.000-04:00

From the Washington post

The guy who refuses to sell out to The Man.

Dance the Night Away...

2006-05-01T19:52:00.000-04:00

So on Saturday I went for a waltz with Kendi, Ellen, B-Rad, Renee, Mary, John, and Juman. It was a Viennese Ball, and it was quite the time. They gave us a sheet so we could mark down a "date" with a particular partner for a specific song. Brad and I decided the only logical thing to do with this was use it as a score card. And of course, we were right. Here are some highlights (all grades reflect my performance, not that of my partner; the ladies all get A++ for dancing acumen, effort, and being such good sports during the foot pounding.)

During lessons -- Partners: Kendi and Ellen
Grade -- D; The Viennese Waltz is very fast and involves a lot of turns, which I had a hard time figuring out. I did awful, and was actually pretty frustrated for a while. Then I got over myself.

2. Trans-Atlantic (A Schottische, or, as I like to call it, a Schlotsky) -- Ellen
B+; After struggling during lessons, I did this up-beat hop-filled dance pretty well, once I got the hang of the hop-and-turn. Let's go to the Hop!

3. Anniversary Waltz (Waltz) -- Kendi
D+; I returned to my struggling ways on this fast Waltz. I couldn't maneuver through the thick crowds, had a tough time getting the turns down, and generally was sub-par.

4. Tango Mimosa (Tango) -- Kendi
B+; I made up for the last one with this one. Kendi and I were a good match for the tango, and I was able to rebuild my shattered confidence. I got my feet under me, and not on top of Kendi's feet any more.

5. Candlelight Waltz (Waltz) -- Renee
A-; Building on my tango success, Renee and I were able to deftly maneuver and muscle for rank ... uh, I mean whirl and twirl and swirl like legitimate dancer-looking people to this slower-paced but fun Waltz.

6. Du und Du (Waltz) -- Ellen
C-; This one was faster. I blame the excess speed for 3 times I stepped on Ellen's foot, but the other 3 times were just me and my clodhoppers. Poor girl. She had bruises. But we pulled it together toward the end, and since my toes didn't hurt much, the grade goes up a little.

Intermission -- Carousel Ride
I rode what may have been a rabbit or the offspring of a donkey and a squirrel. It was a little questionable. But it was fun. And I know how it all works.

7. The Grand March (a medley of march music) -- Ellen
A-; After the first intermission, we all marched around the ballroom for a spell or a spell and a half. Ellen froze during the march, because we kept walking by AC vents. We marched well, and had a good time (other than the Ellen Ice Cube part), but we lost some style points when we went the wrong way as they were splitting the marching party in two. I like the Imperial March (Star Wars)

10. Gift Polka (Polka) -- Kendi
C+; We weren't so hot with the Polka, careening to and fro, but we had an absolute blast in our failure, so it gets an A for fun level.

13. Habañero (Tango) -- NONE
N/A; Renee and I were supposed to Tango. She abandonded me. I stabbed a hole in her name on the card, but how could I stay mad at Renee? Just not possible...

14. Beautiful Blue Danube -- Elise
C+; A nice random lady in a gold dress asked me to waltz, so she and I agreed to do two waltzes, despite myassertionn that I'm no dancer. The first one, I didn't do so hot, (the song kept changing paces just to throw me off), though at the end I spun Elise like crazy, then ended with a very nice dip. That describes me to a tee: Monty, a very nice dip.

15. Waltz of the Flowers (Waltz) -- Renee
B; This was a very pretty song with a very pretty name. Brad, Renee, Kendi and I therefore took this opportunity to institute a trash talking dance. We stayed close and trash talked, and after running out of dancing jokes, we started violently spinning into each other. Brad hip checked me hard, and I attempted to counterattack using Renee, but I usually missed. Poor, clueless, unwitting weapon that she is... Good times!

17. Cotton Candy (Another Schlotsky) -- Ellen
A-; We hopped till we couldn't stop. Then we stopped. But it was a jolly good time.

20. Por Una Cabeza (Tango) -- Kendi
A; My best dance of the night. Kendi and I built on our earlier chemistry for a killer Tango. Now all I need to do is learn how to flip her and dance with roses in my mouth.

21. Gold and Silver (Waltz) -- Renee
A; My second best dance of the night. Renee and I built on our earlier chemistry for a killer Waltz. Now all I need to do is learn how to flip her and dance with roses in my hair.

So all in all it was a great night. Brad even enjoyed it, and he hates everything. I give myself a solid B. I got stronger as the night went along, and I ended on some pretty strong notes. Despite the size of this post, I actually left some things out. Consider yourself spared, and lucky, and honorable if you've actually read all the way to here. Nice job!

A Calvin & Hobbes after my own heart...

2006-04-29T15:46:00.000-04:00

(click for big version)

"Nothing But Nets"

2006-04-26T18:42:00.000-04:00

I generally try not to get my sense of social awareness and responsibility from sports magazines, but Rick Reilly had a pretty well-written article in Sports Illustrated about the United Nations Foundation's push for mosquito nets for Africa. Good (and a little hard) read. I have a friend in Africa now for a missions trip, so it stood out a little more.

Rick Reilly Article

UN Foundation Malaria Donation site

Zombie politics are the worst...

2006-04-26T08:23:00.000-04:00

I mean, they start out with earnest debate concering relevant issues of the day, but then it always degrades back to partisan politics and brain eating. Kinda sad, really.

I can't drive 55

2006-04-25T18:35:00.000-04:00

Do you ever feel like there are some days when everyone around you is driving even worse than normal? Today, on both commute to and from work, there were cars careening all over, and driving through lights or ignoring signs or switching lanes at random. I felt a bit more endangered than normal, and that's saying something. Is there a full moon affect for bad driving? I did manage to make it home safely. One of those days...

Fashion Advice from Men's Warehouse

2006-04-22T12:25:00.000-04:00

	Keep Your Pants On
		Wearing a belt and suspenders is like wearing a Red Sox hat with a Yankee jersey. It's one or the other. Never both!

One word: Awesome. Right now I'm wearing a Red Sox hat with a Champion jersey, so I guess I'm good. Oh, and I'm wearing a belt and pants and no suspenders. But if I had no belt, there's no way I could keep these pants on.

They say nothing about selecting the appropriate buckle, so go with this.

Seriously

2006-04-20T22:56:00.000-04:00

My room looks like a tornado hit it, and then a stampede rolled through and trampled what the tornado left behind, and then some guy couldn't find a dumpster so he dumped all his trash in the stampede tornado pile. And then the stampede came back to crush the trash out of spite. Anyway, I should clean my room. Or get a bigger stampede that will crush everything so small I don't even see it.

"Over here guys, there's a pile of papers and computer parts you missed!"

A few more pics

2006-04-16T23:22:00.000-04:00

Great Falls (Not the Taylor's house)

Easter Dinner at the Taylors

2006-04-16T22:18:00.000-04:00

An awesome time was had by all.

Final Egg count:
Brad: 5
Nathan: 1
Amanda: 6
Monty: 9
Katy: 7
Chris: 2
Kara: 7

Go me! And I didn't even have to steal one from Katy like I was planning.

It's Empty

2006-04-16T08:58:00.000-04:00

"Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen!"

Happy Easter indeed...

Taxes are funny

2006-04-05T21:39:00.000-04:00

Chris' mom just saved me $8 on my taxes. Sweet. Federal is done but not sent, and state will be done soon. Yay taxes being nearly done!

Nothin says lovin'...

2006-04-05T15:51:00.000-04:00

I work at a company with some very very smart people. Many of them are experts in their fields. And nothing gets these guys moving like an e-mail saying "Cookies in Rm 6709". I can actually tell when an e-mail is sent just by the rumble I hear down the hall. It's amazing.

And yes, I'm writing this as I chomp on some awesome peanut butter cookies.

I think a popular metaphor applies here, but I'm not sure which one...

Excuse Excuse

2006-04-02T23:02:00.000-04:00

So this morning, I woke up, took a shower, got dressed, and then had to leave to get to church early. I had really wanted to shave, because I've got a bit of a fungus going, but I had set my alarm for too late and didn't have time. My excuse? I set it later than I should have because of Daylight Savings Time. I decided that this excuse should be used in everyday life. Late for work? Sorry, Daylight Savings Time. Forgot to do your taxes? I was gonna, but Daylight Savings Time messed me all up. I forgot your birthday, but it was Daylight Savings Time (you know who you are, so Happy Birthday!). I'm sorry I ran over your cat, but you know, Daylight Savings Time. In court, you'll be able to use the DST defense, and you'd probably be able to get off Scottrick free. Kids would never have to do homework again. "But Miss Howard, it was Daylight Savings Time!" "Well, okay Jimmy, I understand."

Actually, this was a pretty dumb and pointless TOLAS entry. I'm really sorry for inflicting it upon you. But it was Daylight Savings Time, so I'm still a little out of sorts.

From West Wing and Rob
Toby: "What kind of schmuck-ass system is this?"
Josh: "Great! That's PERFECT!....Can we have a civilization?"

Says Rob: They could only be talking about daylight savings time...

I have no pictures to go with this, so here are some random recent ones:

10 layers of gross

2006-03-30T22:52:00.000-05:00

An actual e-mail exchange between an anonymous roommate and me:

Subject: Rent and Stuff

Let's remember to pay rent. Also, since my mother is coming (and with a friend), I absolutely insist that you clean that disgusting hairball you call a bathroom, so that they don't lose their lunch when they view your putrid squalor. I guess we should clean other parts of the apartment too. I'd say they are due.

Monty

Re: Rent and Stuff

ha! you obviously haven't been in my bathroom lately... you can downgrade that response from 'disgusting hairball' to 'mildly repulsing lingering hairs and grime' after my 3 minute cleaning effort a few days ago =)

But I agree, I should clean my bathroom, and let's clean in general too.

Hope you're having a good day,

Anonymous Roommate

If only this were the type of hairball we were talking about...

I can't believe your head exploded.

2006-03-28T08:04:00.000-05:00

If your head explodes, you'll never make it as a doctor. I mean, come on, you look ridiculous.

My Poll

2006-03-23T17:39:00.000-05:00

Does this poll work?

Death and...

2006-03-11T15:27:00.000-05:00

I was working on taxes this afternoon. Mine are pretty easy, though I'm still a little confused and have some hanging questions to be answered. It's nice having uncomplicated taxes, as I know it won't always be this way. I've not yet finished rendering unto Caesar, but I at least know what I need to do.

This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad. (Even in taxes). Good day so far, and I think it'll continue to be.

A No Egg Omelette isn't as good as it sounds...

2006-03-10T07:42:00.001-05:00

Josh is sweet

2006-03-06T18:12:00.000-05:00

Josh was at Chris and Monty’s and I forgot how awesome Josh is. Chicks dig him and guys want to be him. He also has a sweet new Alien computer from Alienware. He’s the best TOLASTSer I’ve ever met. Did I mention he’s awesome? Don’t tell.

Meet the Schecter

2006-03-04T08:57:00.000-05:00

Got my second real six-string. Bought it at Guitar Center. Played it till my fingers were red. It was the winter of 2006.

I got a guitar yesterday. It's awesome. I know, I know, "Monty, you play guitar? Like play play??" Well, I've owned a guit' for a long while now, and I recently started/restarted playing it. It is an Ibanez starter pack guitar named Grape Soda. Grape Soda is a pretty good 'tar, but it gets all buzzy, and the neck isn't that fast (read: it's hard to slide your hands up and down it), and the notes don't come out clear. So I've been looking around for an upgrade. I went to Guitar Center yesterday just to play around with some. I told the guy (Jonah is his name) what I was looking for, and he quickly pointed me to a Schecter Diamond Series Gryphon (a Guitar Center exclusive), with two Duncan designed humbuckers, Grover tuners, GHS strings, and a transparent red paint job. I played about 10 other guitars ranging from an Epi Les Paul Standard to an Ibanez R Series to a Yamaha Something Orother, many of which had some sweet sweet sustain, but none of which had the combination of feel/range/looks in the Schecter. I also got a Vox amp that performs far beyond what my lease will allow or what I have the talent to utilize, but he gave it to me for the price of the cheapo alternative I was considering. Unfortunately, the Vox doesn't pick up radio stations like my old amp. Thanks for your help Jonah!

Now, here is where you come in. My guitar needs a name, and fast. So far I've been calling him Schek (after Schecter), which is a catchy but uninspired name. Gryph is less catchy but equally uninspired. For reference, Grape Soda (my first real six-string) was named as such due to its electric purple hue and in reference to an inside joke with my friend Becca, who drank grape soda for the first time in my presence back in high school (Ahh, the good old days...). Given the paint job, I was thinking Red Tiger, but it's too similar to the etymology of Grape Soda. So, if you have any suggestion, please please please let me know. Thanks!

What's down?

2006-02-25T17:19:00.000-05:00

Three Things:

1. After about two weeks of trying to reassert itself, winter was soundly beaten by spring today. It was awesome out. Wiffleball, baseball, and soccer ensued. Winter may come back for a bit, but very shortly the sports in the park will abound. You're on notice, winter.

2. I've been listening to a fair bit of Johnny Cash lately, as www.johnnycash.com has streaming audio of 20 of his hits. Top picks include Rusty Cage, Man in Black, Hurt, and I Hung My Head. I never really appreciated him until I saw Walk the Line. He was pretty darn good.

3. Here are two of my favorite pictures that I've taken. They are from the same weekend, when I went camping/hiking with Jim and David and Tara back in the day. Good times. I came across the pics when I was going through some of my pictures for a friend. Enjoy!

The lake a bit or bit and a half from our campsite

View from the campsite. The heads are David and Tara

Ranks 100 on the loser scale

2006-02-23T23:58:00.000-05:00

So you know what I did today? I actually knocked the wind out of myself. It was really amazing. I was trying to yank duct tape off a former tornado apparatus, and as it ripped off, my pulling hand hit me hard, square under the sternum. "Oooooph" I said, and then I could say very little. I staggered around the apartment a little, but to no avail. My wind was gone. It was made worse by the fact that I was attempting to laugh at my ridiculousness, but there was no air remaining to laugh, and then I tried to laugh at that fact, but again same problem. I forgot what having the wind knocked out of you (knocking the wind out of you?) feels like. Not all that fun, except the hilarity of it all. I guess I just don't know my own strength... Or something.

I guess I won't be needing Flex Wheeler workout videos anytime soon.
Also, Flex Wheeler is a kidney transplant survivor.

5th grade science and the Code of the Maktar

2006-02-20T01:15:00.000-05:00

So I've had a ridiculously cool weekend with my former housemates Josh and En-Tseh. We have had some sweet worship and prayer time, and loads of fun hanging out. Here is a pictorial tour of the weekend. Hilarity ensued.

They quickly made themselves at home in our apartment. Apparently their version of home involves bombs exploding...

On Sunday, after channeling our inner 5th grader (not very hard for any of us), the guys and Brad decided to try a little science fair project: making a tornado with water in two bottles of soda. I seem to remember a successful version that involved a potato with a hole in it between the bottles to make a tighter cyclone.

After about 10 minutes of potato operations, duct taping, and grape juice spills (and the requisite dissing of the simplicity of 5th graders' science), we were ready to give our contraption a spin. Unfortunately, it was an astounding failure. Rather than a vicious and powerful tornado, our apparatus resembled a leaky faucet. Even after some precision surgery, the cyclone would not form...

Tragedy. And boy were we embarrassed about making fun of 5th graders. But we would not be deterred. Surely Google would have a solution. And it did. By using duct tape rather than potato to create the hole, we were able to make a killer cyclone that would have won 2nd or 3rd place at a science fair. Using the collective brain power of our 5 bachelors and 3 masters degrees (in engineering and math, no less), we were able to match the accomplishments of 5th graders. A proud day indeed.

Once our experimenting was done, we were still in a 5th grade state of mind, so we blackened the windows and covered every source of light in the apartment (except those pesky smoke detector lights) to play hide-and-seek in the dark. Some of the players were a little shaky, and kept revealing themselves in a flatulent manner, or laughing hysterically whenever someone walked in the room or turned the shower on on them. I, however, was able to evade capture using my Maktar Stealth Haze.

By Grabthar's Hammer, no one could find me. My Maktar skills were off the hook. I'd like to see you try to find me in this picture:
That shadow in the corner, that's actually me. Here, this is a closer look, in case you still can't see it.

What a sweet weekend. Thanks to the former Lifehouse Crew: Josh, En-Tseh, and Chris. Good times indeed.

The Stoke

2006-02-15T22:06:00.000-05:00

My movie recommendation for the day: Step Into Liquid (2003, Color, Approx 87 minutes). In theory, this is a documentary about surfing, but it's a lot more than that. I know very little about surfing, but the movie does an awesome job of showing a broad range of the sport, from the best pros in the world attacking 60 ft* curls to a bunch of hobbyists from Texas riding waves coming off oil tankers to kids in Ireland surfing for the first time. The visuals are absolutely amazing, the music usually fits the mood well, and the interviews/stories are insightful and interesting. This is one movie that gives me a huge pick-me-up any time I watch it, and it inspires me to get excited about life in general as well as my own passions and dreams (which are not surfing). Very cool.

This is me, snarling a phat digger with some mondo junipers. Um, yeah

Not me, but I bet she wishes she could snarl diggers like me.

*60 ft = 9.1 Brads
**Also, none of the pictures are me, and though I can snarl pretty well, it certainly does not involve surfing.

Most pizza should be cat-shaped

2006-02-12T23:19:00.000-05:00

The rest should be squirrel shaped. Chris and I are master Pizza Shapers. We deserve a trophy.

Don't be alarmed: my cat has sauce all over it. Not blood.

A sphincter says what?

2006-02-07T22:44:00.001-05:00

What?

I don't see how it can talk. It doesn't even have a mouth! W ait, it is a mouth, kind of.

Change Up

2006-02-06T21:27:00.000-05:00

Life is like a wiffleball. Sometimes it looks like it's flying right at your head, and you think it's gonna hit you between the eyes, so you duck, but then it curves like 5 feet the other way and you just look silly. And you're like, "Why did I worry about it in the first place? It's only a wiffleball." You have no idea where it's going, but you have to make a decision to swing or not anyway. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, so I'll just stop here. Ironic I guess :-)

Expect the Unexpected

Soup Orb 'Ole

2006-02-05T17:46:00.000-05:00

I hear there's some sort of big football game. In celebration of the Big Game (which we are not allowed to name unless we pay a fat sponsorship fee), I'm gonna have a soup or bowl of chili. If I'm feeling litigious, I might decide to sue per bowl because each throw of that huge ball hurt my arm. While I'm there, I might watch my Native American friend Sioux Poor bowl a few rounds.

My prediction? The Red Sox are definitely gonna win. They're gonna shoot at least 5 goals, and be 10 under par before the other team can even skate for 5 wickets. Plus the judges will give them a 6.0 for style for the double back ollie juniper into triple axle. Game Set Match!

I see beef stew in his eyes... He's a Soup Orb Owl

Supp

2006-02-05T15:25:00.000-05:00

I've had some good days recently... Cool times in prayer and in the Bible, cool times with friends hanging out and doing more serious stuff, cool times at church, cool happenings at work, catching up with some people. I'm a fan. Here's hoping for more...

No, really, I'm a fan. This is me.

Groundhog Day Redux

2006-02-02T07:32:00.000-05:00

He saw his Shadow!! That marks the 7th straight year of 6 more weeks of winter. What a cynic! Here are some more random facts you don't need to know.

Punxsutawney Phil is correct 100% of the time, of course!

Punxsutawney Phil's forecasts are not made in advance by the Inner Circle. After Phil emerges from his burrow on February 2, he speaks to the Groundhog Club president in "Groundhogese"(a language only understood by the current president of the Inner Circle). His proclamation is then translated for the world.

Punxsutawney Phil gets his longevity from drinking "groundhog punch," a secret recipe. Phil takes one sip every summer at the Groundhog Picnic and it magically gives him seven more years of life.

Punxsutawney Phil was once on Oprah.

Punxsutawney Phil is about 7' 8" tall, 530 lbs and eats redwood trees for breakfast. And usually two whales for lunch. And that's a light lunch.

It's Groundhog Day!

2006-02-02T06:00:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone! Guess what? Today is Groundhog Day! Given my distaste for holidays in general and pointless holidays in particular, one might think that I'd be a denouncer of all things February 2nd, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Groundhog Day is so pointless it has gained significant meaning. If that doesn't make sense to you, then your mind is too simple to grasp the bigger truths. Seriously though, this holiday centers around a rodent (named Phil) being carried around by a bunch of pretentious do-gooders with funny titles (e.g. Burrow Master, Fog Spinner) weazring stylish top hats and capes. It's so ridiculous, there's no way they take themselves seriously. Right? RIGHT? And if they do, all the better! Plus, how else would anyone have any idea how to spell Punxsutawney? It's too cool a name to ignore.

"Don't I look like I can predict the weather?

Here are some groundhog day references for your surfing enjoyment.

http://www.groundhog.org/ This is the official Groundhog Day website, fresh from PunxsutawneyPA. It's chock full o' information, including the history of Groundhog day, some fun facts about groundhogs, a description of the Inner Circle (those my heroes with the top hats), and the answer to the age-old question, "What do Groundhogs have to do with moisture?" (hint: it does not involve a humidity increase from groundhog innards, as I assumed).

The Supreme Holder of All Things Philish and GroundHoggy shows the specimen to the Grand Inspector of Shadows and Shadow-like Phenomena. Nice hats!

Did you know that the National Guard is called in to protect Phil the night before the event?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107048/ Groundhog Day, the Movie, staring Bill Murray as a weather reporter trapped in Punxsutawney repeating the same Groundhog Day over and over until he makes things right with his boss/love interest and learns to play the piano. A heart-warming tale about second, and third, and ten thousandth chances, and about how we should live every day to the fullest even if we are trapped reliving the same darn day over and over and have to do news reports on an oversized rat and the people who love him.

http://www.hoghaven.com/ A website dedicated to groundhogs AKA woodchucks AKA whistlepigs AKA marmots. Includes sounds, photos, and amazing video footage of the notably corpulent beasts.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groundhog Wikipedia article featuring genus information, mating habits, and the photo documentation of a battle of wits between a groundhog and a golden retriever.

"Never go against a Marmot when death is on the line! Haahaahaah Haahaahahaaa!" ::pause:: ::plop::

That's all I got. Enjoy the day everybody!

This is what one word might look like if most "i"s in the English language were replaced with lowercase "l"s

2006-02-01T21:37:00.000-05:00

llllcit

Sleeping Beauty

2006-01-30T21:54:00.000-05:00

I'm tired... I came home from work, put a laundry in and passed out. Then I woke up, and ate some grapes and played free cell. Now I'm ready to pass out yet again. Not sure why you need to know this, but since it's been a while since I posted, I figured I'd post. I had a sweet, but busy weekend. Leadership retreat for church, hanging out, church, Inservice, chili cookoff (#9 was my favorite!), talking with a lady who's starting a cool ministry in DC, church again, IHOP you hop we all hop. So there you go. Thanks to all who took the time to hang out with me. You know who you are. rfttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. Sorry, I just fell asleep on the keyboard. Maybe I should go to that bed place. mmm, bed....

You are all great and all, but this is currently my best friend... BFF!

"Your statistics, like your Kung Fu, are weak and obsolete"

2006-01-24T22:18:00.000-05:00

I have to do some sort of statistical test for work. I've taken no fewer than 4 stats/stat heavy courses, including one at graduate level and one that should have been. And yet my statistics are as weak and obsolete as my Kung Fu. Maybe I should have paid more attention in class, or at least attempted to retain some knowledge. Psigh. (not to be confused with Psi). But that's ok, I'm gonna dive in, and become the best Binomial Tester I can be, and then I'll play around with some Chi Squareds (not to be confused with Chi Squares. Or Chai Squares. Or Chai Tea. Or Tai Chi. Or Thai food. Mmmm, Thai food.) I have no idea what I'm talking about, so here's a bunny with a pancake on its head.

Oolong the Rabbit. Not to be confused with Oolong Tea. Not to be confused with Thai food. Mmmm. Thai food.