Ranking November Holidays

New month coming up means I need to find the most obscure holidays and observances of the month, and then skewer their ridiculousness. Here we go

I must note that October was Pastor Appreciation month. I hope you ... um ... what the heck do you do for Pastor appreciation? Whatever it is, I hope you did it, or else you should be ashamed of yourself.

As always, all points are on a 1-10 scale, though that is frequently ignored.

November Observances
Adoption Awareness Month (7) -- Adoption is cool. I'm all for it. In addition, considering my age and lack of prospects at this time, adoption may be the only means for me and the future Mrs. Montinator to get the 11 children we need to field a football team. Warrants mentioning.

Christmas Seals Month (-5) -- What the heck is a Christmas Seal? Does it balance a Christmas tree on its nose in exchange for fish? Do you put jingle bells on its fins so it rings when it claps? And why the heck is it in November, a full month before Christmas? Absurd.

Drum Month (6) -- With no drums, there'd be no double drum solos...

National Apple Month (9) -- With no apples, there'd be no apple pie. And with no apple pie, there'd be no America. So as we celebrate apple month, we celebrate the fact that we are free to spell "defence" as "defense", call a "lift" an elevator, drive trucks instead of lorries (it's articulated, and it's a lorry!), and not pay taxes to a monarchy of questionable worth and authority. All because of apples.

November Holidays
Oct 31-Nov 2 Dia de los Muertos (Mexic0) (2) -- Should we really be celebrating dead people? It's like they made a holiday for zombies. I don't feel comfortable celebrating anything that has a hankering for my brain. It just feels weird.

Nov 3 Sandwich Day (6) -- Birthday of the Earl of Sandwich, who invented the sandwich. Smart guy. Deserves his own day. I applaud him, as long as the Zombie Earl doesn't come back for a Montybrain Sandwich...

Nov 4 Waiting for the Barbarians Day (?) -- No description provided. Cool name, but I'll have to take a mulligan. In a hopefully unrelated note, Nov 4 is also Yanni's birthday. Go figure.

A barbarian (librarian), not to be confused with Yanni

Nov 7 National Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day (2) -- I like my chocolate fully sweet and nut-free, so this day is not for me

Nov 8 Dunce Day (3) -- Dunce caps are funny, but only in cartoons. Also Punster Day (5). I have a love-hate relationship with puns. I love them, and everyone hates me when I use them.

Nov 9 Neon Sign Day (-4) -- Eat At Joe's. Eat At Joe's. Eat At Joe's. Neon signs are lame.

Nov 10 Microsoft released the first Windows on this day in 1993 (2) -- Unemployed Blue Screens of Death celebrate.

Nov 11 Veterans' Day (8) -- I know it seems like many holidays celebrate veterans, but it's not bad to remember a couple times a year. And I get the day off, for the first time in 5 years.

Nov 12 National Pizza with the Works Except Anchovies Day (2) -- Only a 2 because the works includes poison such as mushrooms and onions. I might just start a "Down with Mushrooms and Onions Day", and have Jeff Shaw be the spokesperson. Or run for public office using the "Mark Mushrooms and Onions For Extinction" platform.

Nov 14 Teddy Bear Day (-3) -- Vying for the "scummiest corporate holiday award," this day is sponsored by the Vermont Teddy Bear Company. Also Sadie Hawkins Day (6) -- Ladies, mark your calendars. Sadie Hawkins Dance/In my khaki pants/ There's nothing better. Do you like my sweater?

Nov 16 En-Dizzle Day (8) -- Birthday of a good friend. I hope.

Nov 19 Gettysburg Address given, Adoption Day, Pencil Day, Pop Tarts invented, and Rocky and Bullwinkle premiered (1) -- None of these excite me in the least bit, other than adoption, which was already addressed. This is the Fat Free Vanilla of holiday days.

Nov 20 Traffic Light Day (-10) -- I understand the need for traffic flow, but why do they have to make them so darn cruel? It's like they toy with us.

Nov 21 World Hello Day (5) -- First you wave hello, then you wave goodbye (goodbye).

Nov 24 Thanksgiving (50,000) -- The king of all holidays. Eat, spend time with family, celebrate all God has given us, watch football. Montinator family traditions also include raking leaves and visiting the site of my Eagle Scout project to make sure the erosion bars haven't erroded. Also, shout out again to the Earl of Sandwich, without whom we would be lacking the best part of T-giving: the leftover sandwich the next day. In fact, let's give him another 5 points for that. Sandwich day (11)

Nov 25 Parfait Day (7) -- You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.


Nov 26 Price is Right premiered on this day in 1956 (10) -- The best part of any day staying home sick from school: watching Bob Barker and Rod Roddy give away fabulous prizes. On a side note, has anyone actually seen someone using those party boats they give away? You know, when they don't have a car or a fancy trip to give away at Showcase Showdown, the top prize is the lame flat-bottomed box thing they claim is a boat. I've never ever seen someone using one of those. I feel like they exist solely to be loser gifts on the Price is Right. I feel bad for anyone who had to pay income taxes for winning that.


Nov 30 Computer Security Day (2) -- Lot of good it does us, considering Nov 10 is Lack of Security day

For anyone who actually made it all the way through this post, I will reward you with this quiz question: Which of the observances/holidays above did I just make up? When I get enough guesses, I will reveal the answer. No, the Mushroom and Onion one doesn't count, Ian.