So today I found out that I have been named the Fire Warden for my floor at work. I did not run for this position, nor did I know it existed until the title was bestowed. I think, like the files that came with my office, they give it to the new guy, who pays his dues and then eventually passes it off to a newer and naiver guy/gal. I'm pretty sure it's not a title of any prestige, especially since I didn't know it existed. It certainly has no pay implications, and I doubt I can add it to my resume. In fact, I haven't been told what the responsibilities are at all. In Boy Scouts, we had fire wardens at summer camp, but all you had to do was make sure the water buckets next to the fire were full and had no mosquito larva. I doubt that's what I have to do, but who really knows? I was asked if I have any religious or moral objections to the position, and I said no, but what does that say about possible jobs this entails? Just for fun, here are my guesses for possible outcomes, and a ranking (as always, 1-10 or whatever I feel like) and likelihood measure (no way[nw], unlikely[un], somewhat unlikely[su], possible[po], likely[lk], definitely[df]):
1. I get a fire extinguisher in my office, and am required to use it whenever I see flames. This sounds like tons of fun. (8, po)
2. I get a badge and hat, that I must wear at all times (4, un).
3. I get a siren, alarm, bullhorn, or other warning/noisemaking device (9, po).
4. I have to go through alarm pulling training so that I am the "go-to guy" when it comes time to pull the fire alarm (2, po). Thanks to Steve Lewis, I have already trained on a number of different pull mechanism designs. Thanks Steve!
5. I have to walk through halls and make sure everyone leaves during a fire and that all important documents are put away (2, lk).
This would make deciding what to wear easier. Everything matches yellow, right?6. There is a fire jail somewhere in the building, and I am the new warden, put in charge of the scumbag fire criminals. I think a jail for fire would be fun to run, but escapes could be very bad (6, nw).
7. In an effort to save money, the building has no actual alarms, and I now am designated to run through the halls screaming so that people know there's a fire (8, nw). I'd be very good at this I think. They better tell me what charge code to use when I'm billing for it, though.
8. All incendiary devices on the floor are controlled by me; no one is allowed matches, lighters, fireworks, guns, or bombs unless they get them through me. The life of a small arms dealer seems pretty glamorous, plus I'd be stocked if there were ever an incident (15, un). Although all smokers would have to come to me to light them up, and who wants to do that? Make it a (7, un) 9. Like a captain, I have to go down with my ship if the building is being destroyed by fire. I need a better title than "Fire Warden" if I'm going to do that (-3, nw).
10. I am in charge of the self destruct button for the floor. I think the old saying, "curiosity killed the cat, and all his coworkers, plus a few passers-by" would apply here were this true. (10, nw)
"Alright, who put Mike in charge of the Self Destruct Mechanism?"
