Ranking November Holidays

New month coming up means I need to find the most obscure holidays and observances of the month, and then skewer their ridiculousness. Here we go

I must note that October was Pastor Appreciation month. I hope you ... um ... what the heck do you do for Pastor appreciation? Whatever it is, I hope you did it, or else you should be ashamed of yourself.

As always, all points are on a 1-10 scale, though that is frequently ignored.

November Observances
Adoption Awareness Month (7) -- Adoption is cool. I'm all for it. In addition, considering my age and lack of prospects at this time, adoption may be the only means for me and the future Mrs. Montinator to get the 11 children we need to field a football team. Warrants mentioning.

Christmas Seals Month (-5) -- What the heck is a Christmas Seal? Does it balance a Christmas tree on its nose in exchange for fish? Do you put jingle bells on its fins so it rings when it claps? And why the heck is it in November, a full month before Christmas? Absurd.

Drum Month (6) -- With no drums, there'd be no double drum solos...

National Apple Month (9) -- With no apples, there'd be no apple pie. And with no apple pie, there'd be no America. So as we celebrate apple month, we celebrate the fact that we are free to spell "defence" as "defense", call a "lift" an elevator, drive trucks instead of lorries (it's articulated, and it's a lorry!), and not pay taxes to a monarchy of questionable worth and authority. All because of apples.

November Holidays
Oct 31-Nov 2 Dia de los Muertos (Mexic0) (2) -- Should we really be celebrating dead people? It's like they made a holiday for zombies. I don't feel comfortable celebrating anything that has a hankering for my brain. It just feels weird.

Nov 3 Sandwich Day (6) -- Birthday of the Earl of Sandwich, who invented the sandwich. Smart guy. Deserves his own day. I applaud him, as long as the Zombie Earl doesn't come back for a Montybrain Sandwich...

Nov 4 Waiting for the Barbarians Day (?) -- No description provided. Cool name, but I'll have to take a mulligan. In a hopefully unrelated note, Nov 4 is also Yanni's birthday. Go figure.

A barbarian (librarian), not to be confused with Yanni

Nov 7 National Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day (2) -- I like my chocolate fully sweet and nut-free, so this day is not for me

Nov 8 Dunce Day (3) -- Dunce caps are funny, but only in cartoons. Also Punster Day (5). I have a love-hate relationship with puns. I love them, and everyone hates me when I use them.

Nov 9 Neon Sign Day (-4) -- Eat At Joe's. Eat At Joe's. Eat At Joe's. Neon signs are lame.

Nov 10 Microsoft released the first Windows on this day in 1993 (2) -- Unemployed Blue Screens of Death celebrate.

Nov 11 Veterans' Day (8) -- I know it seems like many holidays celebrate veterans, but it's not bad to remember a couple times a year. And I get the day off, for the first time in 5 years.

Nov 12 National Pizza with the Works Except Anchovies Day (2) -- Only a 2 because the works includes poison such as mushrooms and onions. I might just start a "Down with Mushrooms and Onions Day", and have Jeff Shaw be the spokesperson. Or run for public office using the "Mark Mushrooms and Onions For Extinction" platform.

Nov 14 Teddy Bear Day (-3) -- Vying for the "scummiest corporate holiday award," this day is sponsored by the Vermont Teddy Bear Company. Also Sadie Hawkins Day (6) -- Ladies, mark your calendars. Sadie Hawkins Dance/In my khaki pants/ There's nothing better. Do you like my sweater?

Nov 16 En-Dizzle Day (8) -- Birthday of a good friend. I hope.

Nov 19 Gettysburg Address given, Adoption Day, Pencil Day, Pop Tarts invented, and Rocky and Bullwinkle premiered (1) -- None of these excite me in the least bit, other than adoption, which was already addressed. This is the Fat Free Vanilla of holiday days.

Nov 20 Traffic Light Day (-10) -- I understand the need for traffic flow, but why do they have to make them so darn cruel? It's like they toy with us.

Nov 21 World Hello Day (5) -- First you wave hello, then you wave goodbye (goodbye).

Nov 24 Thanksgiving (50,000) -- The king of all holidays. Eat, spend time with family, celebrate all God has given us, watch football. Montinator family traditions also include raking leaves and visiting the site of my Eagle Scout project to make sure the erosion bars haven't erroded. Also, shout out again to the Earl of Sandwich, without whom we would be lacking the best part of T-giving: the leftover sandwich the next day. In fact, let's give him another 5 points for that. Sandwich day (11)

Nov 25 Parfait Day (7) -- You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.


Nov 26 Price is Right premiered on this day in 1956 (10) -- The best part of any day staying home sick from school: watching Bob Barker and Rod Roddy give away fabulous prizes. On a side note, has anyone actually seen someone using those party boats they give away? You know, when they don't have a car or a fancy trip to give away at Showcase Showdown, the top prize is the lame flat-bottomed box thing they claim is a boat. I've never ever seen someone using one of those. I feel like they exist solely to be loser gifts on the Price is Right. I feel bad for anyone who had to pay income taxes for winning that.


Nov 30 Computer Security Day (2) -- Lot of good it does us, considering Nov 10 is Lack of Security day

For anyone who actually made it all the way through this post, I will reward you with this quiz question: Which of the observances/holidays above did I just make up? When I get enough guesses, I will reveal the answer. No, the Mushroom and Onion one doesn't count, Ian.

Quick-hit thoughts for the day

(while listening to "City of Blinding Lights" and David Crowder)

I was inspired to go skydiving during Small Group last night. Not sure where it came from, but I very well might jump out of an airplane on Sunday.

There's a Ford Expedition that regularly parks in the "Compact Cars" section of the parking lot at work. After a quick perusal of the garage, I noticed that no other vehicle is more ill-suited to fit definition "compact" "car" than this Expedition.

I'm actually oversubscribed at work, which kinda feels good.

I should start waking up earlier. It feels pretty darn good.

The Bible in Spanish (Santa Biblia) is sometimes even cooler than the Bible in English.

I should pick up ballroom dancing again.

Sam, my car, is pretty great. I hope he sticks around for a while. We make a good team.

Thats all for now.

And I start to complain that there's no rain

So I might very well be the worst dresser ever. I'm not talking about style-wise, although I know people have some complaints after the whole fedora thing (IT'S NOT TOO POINTY!). I just have trouble getting dressed in the morning. I've been working for months now, and my wardrobe hasn't changed much at all. I have 5 pant choices (blue, black, and three shades of khaki), 7 or 8 shirts, and a dozen or so ties. That's 480 options, but in reality, I have like 20 combos that make any sense at all. And yet, every morning I stare at my closet, trying to figure out what to wear. I only have 2 really killer combos: Black pants Red shirt Red/Grey tie, and Black pants Beige shirt Black tie. But I can't over use them, or they lose their edge, so I save them for (metaphorical) rainy days, when I need a confidence boost or have an important meeting. I have three other standby combos: White shirt Blue pants Baby Blue tie, Khaki pants Green shirt and tie, and Blue pants Blue shirt Red tie. I don't want to overwear them, or I lose my average looks. So most days I just stand there, staring at my closet, thinking things like, "Can I pull off Grey shirt Blue pants Gold tie? No, I did that last week, and it looked horrible. Um, alright, I know this shirt matches nothing, but let's see how it looks with this." Multiple days a week I get dressed, am about to head out the door, and have a crisis of confidence and change everything. I'm also the worst clothes buyer ever. I see something, think it'll go with something else and buy it, but it never quite goes right. I have a whole tie rack of ties that match nothing. Then, knowing this, I go to the store, see a tie I like, buy it, bring it home, and realize it matches even less than the ties I have. The guys at the store are no help. They make suggestions, and it looks all great in the store, but they never quite work either. I think they pick something, send me away, and as I'm leaving they have a huge laugh at how foolish I look.

Today, I woke up late, showered quickly, got dressed without much thought, and headed out the door. Then, in the elevator, I realized that I had no tie on. It was very disconcerting. So I headed back up, the whole time thinking about my tie options so I wouldn't waste time staring at my closet, since I was already late. I picked one that had roughly the colors I was wearing and tied it in the elevator. I never even looked at it all day, so I have no idea if it actually worked. But I saved a bunch of time. I think this is my new strategy from now on. The no look dress. I won't ever use my mirror. It'll be great! Until something disastrous happens like Blue pants Green shirt Black tie, and I get fired for not being able to dress myself.

Greatest Inventions Ever (Updated)

So in general, I'm a pretty simple guy. I like my nachos with cheese and salsa, and sometimes beans. I didn't get a cell phone until 6 months ago. I miss the days when war meant storming a castle with a big tree. But there are a few modern conveniences that I just find handy. Here's a list of a few.

1. Remote keyless entry. I understand you can open a door just fine using the key, but let's be honest, it just feels cool to unlock from across the parking garage. It helps when your hands are full, or when someone left something in the car and you're already halfway to the store and you really don't feel like walking all the way back to unlock. Plus, the panic button leads to hilarity on a regular basis. I can't wait until remote keyless entry is standard issue on all houses. And panic buttons for that matter, heh heh.

2. Dishwashers. I used to be in the camp of those who believe dishwashers are overrated. That is no longer the case. Dishwashers are amazing! It's so easy! They even have those dishwasher tabs now, so I don't even need to pour powder out of a box to get my plates sparkling. Plus, if I for some reason ever get the urge to wash manually, nothing is stopping me. Dishwashers for President!

3. Mp3 players. Again, I assumed these were overrated. No longer the case. I got a Creative Muvo, which is the size of a pack of Trident, and has helped me do the following: run 4 miles for the first time ever (by doing a "one more song and I'll stop" for 3.5 of those); workout regularly for the first time EVER; listen to whatever I want on my way to work; walk down the street and look cool for the first time EVER. You get the idea. I love my Muvo. Oh yeah, I'd NEVER have finished my thesis without it. Not a chance. It got me through some lonely nights at Mohler...

4. Propel. Once upon a time, I loved Gatorade Riptide Rush, and I drank it all the time. Then one day I got sick of it. "It is too sweet" I said. But what could replace it? Shortly afterward, Danny introduced me to the wonderful world of Propel. "Try it Monty, you'll LOVE it," he'd say with a grin. Reluctantly I tried it, and he was right; I loved it. Even the Lemon! Now, I drink it all the time. It gives me the energy boost I need after working out without the loads of sugar.

5. EZ Pass. Yet another thing I assumed was overrated. Maybe I shouldn't knock it till I try it. But EZ Pass alleviates one of my biggest pet peeves: Toll Booth congestion. It's one of the most inefficient locations I can think of, and as an industrial engineer, I'm against that. I enjoy flying through toll booths at 35 as the hordes dig for cash and coin... Ah the hordes.

Those are the biggies, IMHO. I could also go on about digital cameras, but instead, I give you THIS!
Now go ahead, storm it! Attack! Battering ram, full speed ahead!

Skewl

Some random pics from last weekend

New T-walk is cool!

Natethanael and me at the football game

Three awesome brothers




Big gang at IV BBBQ (the extra B is for BYOBB)

Trendylee

So I found something at Starbucks I actually like! I got a Tall Vanilla Creme something with whipped cream on top, and it was amazingly not offensive to the palette. I am astounded. Granted, had it been hotter, I think it'd have been even better, but I was pretty ok with it as it was. Is this a sign that I'm going to become ... (gasp) ... trendy? Will I start... um... oh my, I actually know nothing else trendy. I seriously can't think of anything. Nothing. Heck, is Starbucks even trendy anymore, or has it become passe? Is the word passe passe? And how do I get those little accent things to appear on the second 'e'? The world may never know...

Alma

Back at the Alma Mater this weekend. Good times. Random notes so far:

I should have remembered this, but En-tseh is NOT a morning person. His attendance record for Pancakes and Prayer should speak for itself.

Pumpkin pie makes a good breakfast. Thanks Steph!

I shouldn't have to come up to PA to get a good haircut, but it's nice to know I can...

Pennsylvania is very different from Virginia. Not sure why, it just feels different. I do like both though.

Leaf catching season has begun. Current count: 5, halfway to last season's total.

Two notes on PA highways. 1. They are by far the best at placing highway signs behind trees. No on does it better. One sign was actually blocked by TWO trees! 2. There is no reason to cause a 30 minute, 3 mile backup on the highway so that two street sweepers can sit on the side of the road. They weren't even sweeping.

The football team is pretty unimpressive looking, but only when I am watching.

Florida Tomatoes will taste great/when you DON'T refrigerate.

It's really cool hearing what God has been doing with so many people. Yay Jesus!

Campus looks pretty great (other than the continuing construction). Pictures will be coming soon.

Multiplying Pens! Plagues of Madness!

Posting from work, which is bad, but this is important: my pen just reproduced. I had this black pen, which was nothing special, which just appeared one day. A Papermate Flexgrip Elite (it sounds much cooler than it is. This is no BIC Velocity 1.0...). Then I lost it. Turns out it was in the pocket of pants I don't wear that often. So I find it this morning and take it to work with me. I leave it on my desk, do some things, in and out of the office (from the 6th floor to the 5th to the 6th and back again... it was annoying. Add a point to the 5th floor). I come back and suddenly, there are two of these black pens next to each other on my desk. Asexual reproduction. Mitosis even, if I remember my AP bio, which I don't. I brought one of the pens down to the 5th floor (stupid floor change) and gave it to the secretary. I claimed I stole it from her and was returning it, but secretly I was trying to save the company money by giving her a never-ending supply of pens. Problem being, I'm not sure if it was the parent or the child. Who knows with mitosis?... Anyway, if you hear about 500 people dying in an office building, all by drowning in pens, you know what happend. Crazy multiplicative growth.

While I'm talking about work, it turns out the door in my new 6th floor office closes on its own. I claim it's largely due to the broken doorslow, but it might just be unbalanced. I haven't decided the point value this is. It has some negatives, but also might indicate my office is haunted, which is cool. We'll stand by before making rash point judgements that would change the winner of 5th floor vs 6th floor...

Maverick

If you had to pick a character from Top Gun that best describes yourself, who would it be? For me, the easy answer would be Viper, for obvious reasons. Yep, he and I are both pretty kick-butt. However, if I look really hard at myself, I think I'd end up being Goose. He wants to be the best, but not at the sacrifice of other things that are important to him. He knows when to keep things light, and when it's time to be serious. Sometimes he gets by on someone else's coat tails. He doesn't mind singing badly in front of a large group (You know you're singing it in your head right now. You've Lost that lovin' feeling/now it's gone, gone, gone/whoa oah oah bum, bu dump, bu dump...). The comparison isn't perfect, though. He flies cutting edge fighter jets to their limits, while I sit in a big office moving numbers around. He's good at volleyball, and later goes on to be a doctor in the busiest and most drama-filled emergency room in the country. I'm awful at volleyball, and I will later go on to a bigger office with a window to move more numbers around, with no drama at all. And hopefully I won't smash my head on a jet canopy while trying to eject from a brutal horizontal spin, leaving a grieving Meg Ryan to support our kids by her cute lonesome self. But all in all, I think I'm not a bad Goose. Wish I could say I'm Iceman, but it just isn't there... Darn that Val Kilmer...

These are the things that keep me up at night...

Viper

Goose and Maverick

Saturday Morning

I've wanted a fedora for a long time. I think they look amazingly cool. Last night I got one at a store in the worst mall in the region, possibly the country. There was a lady and her 11 year old(ish) daughter running the store. It was like an urban clothing store (in my mostly rich white suburb. go figure). I kept asking the 11 year old what she thought, and if the hats I was trying on looked good. She would only agree with what I said. She wasn't helpful at all. Despite her indifference, I was able to find something that I liked, and I got it. It looks remarkably like this:

and this:

So I am now the proud owner of a fedora. I used it last night to the fullest. Man, good times hanging out in the lobby of our building, pretending to be wax figures and rearraning the plants to make the back door look unusable and manning the elevator... Not sure why people were looking at us funny.